dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
