Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
