I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
