he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
