Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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