Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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