Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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