I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
