As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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