I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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