You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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