nut hugger
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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