he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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