I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
