dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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