I just cut my nipple shaving
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
