She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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