So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
