I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
