Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
