i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
