My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
