He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
