I want to make a zoo with you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
