I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
