Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
