i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
