You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
