Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
