And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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