your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
