when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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