Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
