i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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