i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
