FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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