Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
