New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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