it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Everything about him screamed your future.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
