He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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