great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
