I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
