my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
