she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the day after is always just damage control
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
