it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
