just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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