we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
