i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
