You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
