If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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