I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
