He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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