Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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