We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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